One Year of Heaven

I wrote this on July 7th… 

A year ago today I woke up and saw my mom’s face peeking through my bedroom doorway. 

Now any normal day, I’d probably just say “Hey Mama” and turn over and fall back asleep. But on July 7th, 2024… the sight of this was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. 

Two days earlier I had hands down the scariest experience of my life. And trust me, I’ve had some doozies. Read what happened here. (Blog post)

Now that you’re caught up… you can imagine the joy I felt seeing her tiny little face, a face I love so much, a face I thought I’d never see again when I closed my eyes on July 6th.

I said “Mama” and she opened the door and we both embraced eachother and cried. I couldn’t believe I was alive. I thought for sure when I fell asleep the night before that I would stop breathing. My body was in horrific pain, my energy levels were zero and my breathing was labored. I had said my goodbyes and was at peace with my revelations that my time on Earth was commencing.

I had convinced myself the reason I had to go was that I had become unconditional love and my human form just wasn’t needed any longer. I knew I would return back to infinite love, back to Source. I’d be free of this skin prison, and would be on the other side doing way more angel things than I could have possibly done over here (even though I’ve tried real hard to do as many angel duties as I could in those 39 years 🫡).

But here I was, crying in my Mama’s arms. Frail as ever. But “alive”. And I mean ALIVE. That feeling… the feeling of realizing I hadn’t died was indescribable. Joy, bliss, ecstacy, nope… none of those descriptions do it any justice. Gratitude is like a drop in the bucket for the tidal wave of feeling I had. It was the rawest emotion that truly has no words.

After we embraced, I had a thought, what if I did actually die and there is this place you go to if you’ve been “good”. They call it heaven in some religious texts. I’ve never believed this, as I think the heaven and hell metaphor is the life we create as we live it. Also know as karma. 

But what if… what if my soul got to choose a path, a place, an experience… because I was a good human. And knowing me, knowing all of me… I would choose 1 more day in my life. It would go exactly as it did- I would see my tiny Mama’s face and we would rejoice! I would have MORE time here! I would get to keep being LeeAna Rose Theberg!! I would get to LIVE! Because even though this world is crazy, and man life can be wild some times, I still am deeply in love with this human experience. 

If I could choose… I would choose it all over again. And maybe that’s why I’m here in the first place, because my soul chose the real, the raw, the wild, the mundane, the ups, the downs, the full spectrum of feeling and experiencing. My soul would. My soul would come back to touch, to feel, to breathe, to taste, to see and to dance so hard that I feel ageless, timeless and limitless. My soul’s never been one to shy away from an opportunity to grow. And it’s always lived life to the fullest, and been a bright big ball of life and love. That’s never waivered.

So there I was… questioning my entire existence. But ultimately deciding, no matter what happened… this is my Heaven. Life is a gift. One you don’t fully appreciate until it feels like it’s being ripped away from you. Trust me on this. You think you know. You have no idea. And I don’t say that to be condescending, I had no idea either. It was the most humbling experience.

It took me over a month to find my bearings. But I was determined. It truly felt like a complete death and rebirth. Even the walking like a toddler stage was in full effect. It was the hardest time of my life, but I was so fucking happy to be alive none of that mattered. As each sense came back, it felt like the first time. All of… seeing friends, eating that favorite food, listening to my favorite songs, oh god the day I danced again, the first time working out, the first time back on a plane, the first time touching down in Costa -  all of it. All of it was different than it had ever been before.

And here’s the best part… 

All my fears of cancer, death, being sick, I faced it all. And just like walking through a ghost, they disappeared just like that.

Everything felt different. And I knew I had done some deep, deep work.

I began a new path moving towards things I knew would help me. I decided this was the beginning of the rest of my life. I found healing modalities that changed everything. Once I had enough strength. I did the deepest detox of my life. I passed thousands of parasites, huge worms and so much Mucoid plaque. No wonder I wasn’t well, I was completely filled with death and life sucking bastards.

My entire body and energy changed after that. I realized this was the missing piece - the one I knew I needed to do, but kept avoiding. There was no turning back.

I began helping people on this journey now that I had the final piece of the puzzle. It’s my life’s purpose and I know all I went through was to be able to serve.

In this time I recalibrated what my life would look like. No more time to waste! I had a clear vision, and I was going back “home” to Costa Rica. Through my health struggles I realized just how deeply connected I am to the community I live in. I knew I needed to go back after I almost never did. 

It felt like a dream. And it’s felt like a dream every day for a year. My body is totally healed of all cancer. I have zero fear of cancer returning. It served its purpose. Now I get to serve mine.

I made a huge commitment to putting roots down in the area I live in CR, which for a wanderer like me… is a huge deal. I savor every second of my time in Chicago and there. I only pour into connections that feel resonant and that love me for me, and I  them. I found an even deeper trust in the Divine I had ever felt in my life. There was no more room for fear of the unknown or mistrust. If the Divine let me stay here, surely there is a much bigger picture unfolding that I am meant to surrender to. And I have. Everyday, it’s a practice after all.

The biggest lesson of this all was just to let go and surrender. In fact, if this is the simulation (as there is proof of this) than I believe in my “game” that’s the way I win it. 

Surrender. Faith. Unconditional love. Radical responsibility. Rinse and Repeat.

The minute I FULLY SURRENDERED… I was held gently, wrapped in wings.

I stopped worrying about the future, I just found profound gratitude in the every day. The mundane became even more magickal! Everything became more vivid and beautiful. Life magnified and love amplified.

I’m still the same Ol Lee, a natural born lover, a wild thang, an old soul that’s young at heart. That’s my truest soul’s essence, the twinkle in my eye will always be there until the end. 

I arrived at unconditional love and it almost set me completely free of this human experience… but I like to believe I still have so much more to learn. A student of life… and death.

I know when that time comes, to walk through the portal, I’ll be ready. But until then, I am going to continue to live life to its fullest. With zero regrets. With zero resentment. With zero hate.

I realized the blockages in my body were the blockages to love. And through the purification process I became a magnet for what I have always dreamt of:  Love

Pure, unconditional, life changing, healing love. In so many forms. It’s like the Divine gave me all the gifts at the end of the rainbow after storm. One particular gift of true love that’s opened the door to the very dreams that I thought I was going to miss out on. The very dreams I expressed to my Mama through tear soaked cries.

I write this wrapped in the same blanket my brother laid down for me, where I thought I’d die. Feeling strong, vibrant and so excited for all that’s to come. 

Closing out this chapter where it ended and began. Moving into the next chapter of my life, what I know and feel with every bit of my being is going to be the best. It already has been, for a year… the most transformative year of my life. Unimaginable happiness is here already and so much more awaits. 

I wouldn’t want to be here if it weren’t for you. For me. For me and you. You humans really are what makes life worth living. 

I’ve got so much more life and love to give. And I know love is always the answer, it’s always the reason, it’s always the everything. 

Thank you, thank you, thank you. 

From the bottom of my marshmallow heart. 

Love you, mean it. 

—

August 1st, 2025 - my 41st Birthday… I wanted to add… I didn’t think I’d see my 40th birthday and now I feel like I’m in the midst of the most incredible time of my life. So all I want to say to you is everything can change, from the lowest of lows to the highest of highs. Sometimes life is like a riptide, it drags you out to sea… it can be absolutely terrifying to feel like you’ve lost sight of the shore. Almost hopeless. 

But if you trust and surrender, if you just learn to float and when the time is right start to move in the right direction, eventually the ocean will bring you back to the shore. That’s my greatest lesson in life to date. And while you’re out there, try not to panic and enjoy the view instead. Trust you’re always exactly where you’re meant to be.